Narcissism is Not Abusive. Abuse is Abusive.

Stop Blaming the Narcissist. Start Blaming the Abuse.

Stop Blaming the Narcissist


The narcissist. By now, you’ve probably heard the term used to define someone who is hurtful to others. You may have also used the term to describe someone else. To be honest, the term is used so much that even therapist will ask clients if they believe their loved ones were narcissistic or a narcissist.

There is something comforting and grounding in identifying, defining and putting a term to our painful and often times confusing experiences within relationships. It’s as if being given direction on how to navigate out after feeling emotionally confused and lost for so long.

It’s not the narcissist

Blaming the narcissist is a false sense of comfort. Studies show that true Narcissistic Personality Disorder exist in 1-2% of our entire population. That means, chances that you’ve encountered an individual with this Narcissistic Personality Disorder are a rare and truly slim to none.

This doesn’t mean that your experience in your relationship wasn’t down right painful, confusing and hurtful. It just means, you’ll need to truly define your experience and correctly to begin healing and using narcissistic personality traits as red-flags to avoid, will probably lead you to eliminating most – if not all — of your support system — in a false sense of protection.

Narcissism Personality Traits

All personalities have narcissism traits. Narcissism is and can be healthy. Chances are, you also have narcissism in your personality too!

When you look at the traits in the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, (a screening tool, not a diagnostic tool) you may even find yourself within them. – that’s ok! Love your narcissism!

Defining Abuse vs. Blaming Narcissism.

Despite societies over use of negatively evaluating the narcissist, statistics show us that it’s more rare than reality. It’s the minority NOT the majority.

However, your experience is real and it is valid. Your emotional pain, you experienced, in your relationship, is the reality you can hold onto. You may have experienced abuse and potentially domestic violence.

Not all individuals with narcissistic personality traits are abusive. As a matter of fact, not all abusive individuals have narcissistic personality disorder either.

However, all abuse — is abusive, painful, emotionally damaging and can lead to Anxiety, Trauma and in some cases Complex PTSD.

Risks of Blaming Narcissism.

  •  You may begin to identify narcissism traits in most, if not all relationships.
  •  You may begin to avoid healthy relationships out of fear.
  •  You may begin to distrust yourself and your ability to identify healthy relationships.
  • You may begin to feel shame or guilt when you exhibit healthy narcissism traits.

Benefits of Defining and Blaming Abuse

  • You’ll begin to heal.
  • You’ll begin to identify tools and techniques to protect yourself from abuse.
  • You’ll correctly set boundaries and stay emotionally safe in relationships.
  • You’ll be able to be socially connected with others, while remaining emotionally safe.
  • You’ll find healthy secure attachments and relationships.

If you or someone you know find the above relatable, you may be experiencing relationship abuse or healing from past relationship traumas. Our therapist at The Center of Life Counseling, in Orlando and Longwood, Florida focus on anxiety, attachment and relationship traumas. Call us to learn more or to schedule an appointment 407-476-1432, we are here to help support you in your healing journey.




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